I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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