Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
