I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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