yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
