Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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