If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
