I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wish there were birth control emojis
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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