New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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