On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
