did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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