He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I had to cum in my sink.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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