I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
