gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
