You're so nebulous sometimes
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
