I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
