Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
