I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
