this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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