So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
