the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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