Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
