the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
