then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dick very happy bro
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
