# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
