Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
