Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
