You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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