If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
