good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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