Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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