We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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