omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
