Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
