I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
