I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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