My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize