Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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