Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I DEMAND FORESKIN
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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