I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
