Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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