Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
