why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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