whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
