you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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