I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I could fuck to npr.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize