I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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