do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
