In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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