so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I will die if light touches me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
