I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
