Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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