are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
