just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
