Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
