The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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