If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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