you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
