Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
