she told me i tasted like america
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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