Slut skills are useful in every country.
birth control should be required to get into college
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
