my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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