At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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