Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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