If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
